Page 3Finding ferocity

There was a nagging thought on my mind, one that made me think about where to go from here. Though I definitely felt more lust for blood, I wanted to feel safe as well. But there was something else. Something... That worried me. It wasn't bad, just a thought I wasn't really expecting.

Do you really want to go back to it all?

And I didn't have a clear answer, I didn't know what to think about that. When I laid down into the ground, I missed Hitori, Nuru and Rain immensely. But something had changed while I was slumbering. I felt I didn't want to go back to my old existence. The one where my life appeared to be led, step by step, by events out of my control. Of course I did care about them, a lot. But... I wanted to feel my life, my new existence fully for myself. I'd seen the bad it could offer and the good. But I never really felt like it was me making the choices.

But now I would.

I had wandered between the houses for a while, avoiding the two people I'd seen walking the streets. Both were preoccupied and not looking in my direction. A small blessing, even though I easily kept out of sight. It did, however, guide me to the back of one of the occupied, or at least awake, houses. There was light there and there was a woman, a young woman, sitting, crying in a chair.

Maybe I could give her something as well as take something.

That thought filled me with a sort of anticipating glee and, if I was honest, a slightly wicked grin. With that smile, I went to the front door and looked at myself. I didn't often play a game to get blood, but this time I felt different. I wanted to see what I could do. I was bad at fake crying, but maybe I could at least play the victim. At least the clothes would fit. Meaning my current one. She actually looked a little taller, but that wouldn't be much of a problem.

Of course I could always undress her.

I bit my tongue on that thought. It was a very feral thought, nothing to do with sex, but more the idea that you feed on your prey as it is, in it's purest form. To expose the prey, to expose their bodies, their blood. To look at them without any defense anymore, marvel at their fear. And it was a little erotic, but only because of the power it would make me feel.

Which is exactly why I wasn't going to do it.

I had to take a really deep breath and concentrate to make the chaos in my head fall in a more manageable shape. It wasn't easy either. The feral nature, a beast I'd rarely felt this strong before, was really pushing me. Filled with blood I was now strong again. I didn't need to be careful or play a game. I could take what I wanted. But that would make me just as bad, or even worse, than those beasts that killed when they fed. Another deep breath helped me clear my head.

The doorbell. A little push made me hear the sound inside, no melody, just an electronic ring. I imagined her getting up from her chair, surprised and scared at first. Then shaking her head and walking over to the door, curious what is going on. I had to time this right. I leaned against the doorpost and tried to stand weakly on my legs. She opened the door, looking at me with a shaken look on her face. Her tears hadn't dried completely and her mascara had been running a marathon across her face.

"I... help..." I spoke as softly as I could, whispering barely and fell forwards, knowing she would catch me regardless of my clothes.

And it worked.

I could feel her fright, her worry when she looked at me. I hoped I looked odd enough so that she wouldn't think I was homeless but would assume a number of fantastical things. She caught me and put me down gently, unsure of what to do. She looked back to her living-room, possibly pondering the phone, then decided to drag me in gently. I was surprised to feel her fingers on my neck checking my slow, but steady, heartbeat. I could hear her sigh when she felt I was alive. This was all so fascinating for me. I felt like a character in a book, playing out a part knowingly but looking at it as if I was the reader as well. I kept visualizing the whole scene, her expressions, her eyes, what she thought of. All based on what I felt with my skin, heard and smelled.

She actually smelled rather nice.

I waited until she dragged me to the living-room and was checking my skin for wounds. She handled my clothes with signs of disgust and I sighed once to make her come closer to my head. This was when I made my move. I silently moved my arm around her and pressed her head to my shoulder at the very last moment. At the same time I bit her neck quickly but not too painfully. All I heard was a gasp of surprise, not even fear.

Neither was fear in her blood. She felt almost relieved to be bitten, to be drained of her blood and worried. It wasn't what I was expecting but I didn't mind either. Not at all. The blood was sweet and tasted gently of her tears. Flashes of why she was sitting all alone passed me by but it was hard to connect them. It was a guy who left her, but had been bad to her. That was about all the conclusion I could get of them. And in a way I understood why she felt relieved. She'd done something right for herself and now she'd helped someone else.

I stopped much sooner this time. Though the blood was absolutely delicious, she felt so fragile and yet strong that I didn't want to hurt her at all. At least nothing that would have her wake up badly in the morning. So I stopped before she would even faint. Something that still surprises me as I write this. Of course I gently kissed her neck with a drop of my blood, healing it, making it feel nice.

She didn't panic.

She blinked and looked at me. "What do you need?"

It took me a moment to understand what she'd said. I hadn't spoken in a while. But my voice came naturally. "A shower and clothes. I have some money to pay for the clothes."

She looked at me with a frown. "Yes, the shower is upstairs. There is a towel there. I will prepare some clothes."

I walked upstairs, strangely trusting her words and headed for the shower. I decided to let tonight happen naturally, even if it weirded me out at times. The blood was running through me hotly now and I felt fully alive. Able to take on the world and it's dangers. And the water. The hot, flowing water that caressed my skin and carried with it the last filth far away. The shower had mirrored tiles on one side and I gazed at my body, finding it both fascinating and strange to see my curves and skin so flawless, so perfect. I hadn't changed, only my eyes. They had become so, intense.

I could see them clearly in the reflection, feeling oddly about what they showed. There was a ferocity in them, a feral force that I hadn't really learned to cope with yet. I was still riding the high of fresh blood but seeing my eyes made me realize that it was my past that had finally caught up with me. No longer supported by those who knew exactly how I felt, Khuna and Valerie, my beast had started to awaken. The very thing they wanted to protect me from. Of course I knew, something I had learned long ago, that protecting someone doesn't make them safer. It makes them more vulnerable.

The fabric of the towel was harsh and coarse, but it served well to dry me. I didn't mind it, I just marveled at it for a moment before I wrapped it around my body, and headed downstairs. The woman was sitting in the same chair as before, asleep. Her face was a pool of calm and next to her, on the table, was a small stack of clothes.

White panties, blue jeans, purple shirt,a lighter purple long-sleeve and, not to forget, two old sneakers below the table on the ground. It looked quite decent but something about it told me that she was happy to give them to someone. I wanted to change into them but I realized that I had been able to look in through the windows and someone else could see me. The woman was really asleep and I didn't worry about her seeing my body, but I did close the windows before I took the clothes and put them on.

They weren't bad. The pants were slightly too long and only a little too wide, but the shirt and long-sleeve fit nicely. I wanted to pay her but wasn't sure how much. I picked up a book from another part of the table and put all the money, save for ten floryns, half-underneath it so it wouldn't go anywhere. She was sure to find them here.

I left the house with only the sound of a click as I closed the door. She'd kept the keys in the lock and I kindly locked the door from the outside and pushed the keys through the letterbox, as far as possible. I wondered if she would report me for what happened or if she would just let it be and think it was all a dream until she found the money and the missing clothes.

Whichever it was, I was having problems of my own. Finding my new direction.

The woman didn't call this odd night in, as far as I can tell. Maybe I don't know because the story of the 'guy found in car' had been more important to the news, but I'd like to think she didn't feel bad about it. This is just speculation, of course.